An intern at work passed away unexpectedly this weekend. I didn’t know him or work directly with him, but I know what his family is going through and it brought to mind my own experiences with grief and loss. The people who reached out in sympathy and support… and the people who did not.
People seem to have a difficult time nowadays comiserating with a friend or co-worker when they’ve lost a loved one. They tell themselves they don’t want to be a bother, that bringing it up will cause further pain. They talk themselves out of going to the viewing, or the funeral, or the memorial service because they didn’t really know the person who passed away, and that surely such a thing is only for immediate friends and family of the deceased.
All of that is nonsense.
While the viewing, funeral, and memorial service are for paying your respects to the deceased, they are also for paying your respects to the survivors. With this death, your friend or co-worker has one less person in the world who cares about them and that hurts. Most of the joys in life are about human connections and the people you love and who love you, so when one of those connections end there’s a huge hole that cannot be refilled. If you reach out to support them in this difficult time, with some kind words or better yet your presence at one of the services, you reaffirm your own connection with them and let them know you care about them. You’re still there.
Life is a wonderful gift, but pain and grief are the price of admission. Friendship and compassion can help make the highs even higher while making the lows easier to bear. Don’t talk yourself out of reaching out to a connection in your life in their time of loss. Let them know that while they may have lost someone, there are still people in the world who care and you’re one of them.
What do you think?
Posted in Random thoughts | Tagged death, friendship, grief, grieving, Love, relationships | 4 Comments »
Short and sweet, a thought I had this morning… Given my luck with women pre- and post-marriage (virtually nonexistent on both sides) it’s actually miraculous that I a) got someone to marry me and b) that someone wanted to make babies with me. I think these two wonderful souls were just meant to be!
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So this was a fascinating read over at HuffPo, “The Likely Cause of Addiction Has Been Discovered, and It Is Not What You Think” by Johann Hari, who’s authored a book called Chasing the Scream: The First and Last Days of the War on Drugs. She spent over three years and traveled 30,000 miles researching her book, and ran across a rather mind-blowing notion:
The opposite of addiction is not sobriety. It is human connection.
There’s a lot of good stuff in her HuffPo article so I definitely recommend reading it, but I’ll hit on some high lights from what she wrote below, along with my own thoughts. Continue Reading »
Posted in Random thoughts | Tagged Addiction, Bruce Alexander, divorced, drugs, health, Johann Hari, loneliness, Love, single | 1 Comment »
Sweetie pie SillyG suggested that I do another “She’d Love my iPod” to provide some music suggestions for summer jams, and since I haven’t done that in a while and my iTunes collection has grown, seemed like a good time to do so! Yeah, I know the summer’s almost over but still…
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Posted in Random thoughts | Tagged ABBA, divorced, Eli Reed, First Aid Kit, iPod, iTunes, Jane Wiedlin, Love, music, Passenger, Peter Bjorn and John, PHOX, Sonic Youth, Television, The Colourist, The Head and the Heart, The Jezebels, The Pack A.D., Walk Off the Earth, Zedd | 1 Comment »
Man, this week’s episode of Showtime‘s Masters of Sex, “Blackbird,” really got to me. I absolutely loved season 1, and while season 2 has been a bit uneven, there has still been some dynamite performances by the leads, as well as some of the secondary characters– in particular Julianne Nicholson as Dr. Lillian DePaul, Virginia Johnson’s colleague and friend.
Below the jump are spoilers, but I consider them pretty small spoilers. If you haven’t seen the show yet but plan to in the future, I don’t think anything I’m talking about will ruin things for you, but I did want to put the warning out there… here be spoilers!
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Posted in Women of TV | Tagged Julianne Nicholson, kiss, Kissing, Lizzy Caplan, Love, Masters of Sex, Showtime, touch | Leave a Comment »
Hi folks! So three years ago this week I kicked off this blog with …She’d Be Creative. I know I haven’t written much of late… anyone still around? In honor of the milestone, anything you all would like me to write about? Topics, questions, anything?
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I just had lunch with my BFF, and I talked to her about a cool movie called About Time, which is a sweet romantic comedy with a dose of time travel. If you haven’t seen it I highly recommend it.
We when on to talk about how having children tends to erase regrets or at least cast them in a new light, which reminded me of this post I wrote a few years back. So I wanted to reblog it, especially since it’s a much more “positive” post than I’ve written of late. Enjoy :)
Originally posted on My Ideal Woman...:
I’m pretty sure I’ve written here before how having children so dramatically changes your perspective, not least of which has to do with regrets you may have had in life. The steps you took in life, even the steps you may have regretted, ultimately led you to the path that brought your children into your life… and every day I see these wonderful little souls, these amazing lives that are growing and becoming more and more independent and curious, with dreams and hopes for their futures, I realize that even a slight deviation in my path to them might have prevented them from even existing. It takes my breath away when I think back and contemplate how easy it could have been to take a different path, and so how can I regret the things I used to think of as mistakes and lost opportunities if they ultimately led me…
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