The last post I wrote about my first date in forever, how much we clicked and how much I enjoyed meeting her. Since then, there’s been some good developments and a not-so-good development.
On the good developments, we had our first kiss the second time we got together and it was wonderful. She’s a great kisser, and it had been so long since I’d really kissed someone that I floated home that night. Did I mention it was wonderful? The third time we got together, we shared another goodnight kiss that left me feeling all warm and tingly. Yeah, yeah– maybe it’s not macho gushing about kissing, but I’ve made no secret how much I love kissing (…She’d Savor Smooching, 3 First Kisses). I even lamented one time being bummed by the thought that if I got run over by a bus one day that my ex would be my Last Kiss. Thankfully, that concern has been erased.
Our fourth get-together was cancelled because she was not feeling well, and unfortunately for the next ten days my insane schedule left few opportunities for us to see each other, and on those days she had prior commitments. So our next date was going to be this Friday, and I was really looking forward to seeing her again. I considered some options and wracked my brain for something particularly fun to do to make up for the time we’d spent apart.
Unfortunately, that’s where the not-so-good development comes in. Over the course of a few emails back and forth we converse a bit about what we’re looking for in a relationship, and she tells me that we’re not really working out for her. She’s looking for someone who can go and do many of the things she likes to go and do, but my time constraints make that difficult. I work two jobs to support my kids and have visitation with them as often as I can. Her kids are grown and on their own, and she’s fully enjoying the empty-nest phase of her life.
It totally bummed me out to hear but I could totally understand. She’s a great woman and deserves to have a partner who can spend more time with her than I can. I appreciated her honesty, and was glad she was bold enough to speak up about it sooner rather than later, and not just let linger, building up resentment along the way. She said she still enjoyed my company and hoped that we could still get together as friends, and I was glad to hear that because I really liked chatting with her about a wide variety of things we both enjoyed talking about. I proposed we still get together Friday, meeting at this cool Mexican restaurant that makes this incredible fresh guacamole right at your table, to share guac over margaritas, and she agreed. You can never have too many friends, and she’s a friend who likes to go and do, which are particularly good to find in this stage of my life.
So what now? I don’t know. One worry I had about getting back into dating was concern about my time constraints, and that was the very thing that sank this relationship before it really got going. She mentioned that dating me was like having a long-distance relationship, which seems like a pretty good analogy. Maybe that sort of thing will be appealing to someone down the road, someone who might have similar time constraints as me. At least we wouldn’t have the travel expense of a long-distance relationship!
At this point I think I’ll get back to checking in on OKCupid, maybe modify my profile a bit to emphasize my time-constraints to make it clear what I can and cannot offer at this stage in my life. Sure, interest in my profile will likely shrink further, but it’s only fair to potential partners who run across me.
I’ll also keep trying to expand my social circles, find people who want to go and do stuff when I have the time to go and do. And I’ll focus on my health, exercise and healthy eating. Who knows what the future may bring?