Posts Tagged ‘Kissing’

masters-of-sex-1-03-virginia-and-dr-depaulMan, this week’s episode of Showtime‘s Masters of Sex, “Blackbird,” really got to me.  I absolutely loved season 1, and while season 2 has been a bit uneven, there has still been some dynamite performances by the leads, as well as some of the secondary characters– in particular Julianne Nicholson as Dr. Lillian DePaul, Virginia Johnson’s colleague and friend.

Below the jump are spoilers, but I consider them pretty small spoilers.  If you haven’t seen the show yet but plan to in the future, I don’t think anything I’m talking about will ruin things for you, but I did want to put the warning out there… here be spoilers!


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Two Words

Today a friend posted a fun little meme on her Facebook page, it had a picture of a blank piece of notebook paper and under it the question:

If you could write a note to your younger self, in two words, what would you say?

That was actually quite tough… just two words?  Three words came pretty easy, but this was a challenge!  I thought for a while, and then finally figured out what I would write to Bennie the Younger…


If you could write a note to your younger self, in two words, what would you say?

Thinking back to so many times in my life, if I would have heeded these words rather than the self-doubt that always seemed to plague my thoughts… well, I’ve no doubt life would’ve been a lot more fun 🙂

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The last post I wrote about my first date in forever, how much we clicked and how much I enjoyed meeting her.  Since then, there’s been some good developments and a not-so-good development.

On the good developments, we had our first kiss the second time we got together and it was wonderful.  She’s a great kisser, and it had been so long since I’d really kissed someone that I floated home that night.  Did I mention it was wonderful?  The third time we got together, we shared another goodnight kiss that left me feeling all warm and tingly.  Yeah, yeah– maybe it’s not macho gushing about kissing, but I’ve made no secret how much I love kissing (…She’d Savor Smooching, 3 First Kisses).  I even lamented one time being bummed by the thought that if I got run over by a bus one day that my ex would be my Last Kiss.  Thankfully, that concern has been erased.

Our fourth get-together was cancelled because she was not feeling well, and unfortunately for the next ten days my insane schedule left few opportunities for us to see each other, and on those days she had prior commitments.  So our next date was going to be this Friday, and I was really looking forward to seeing her again.  I considered some options and wracked my brain for something particularly fun to do to make up for the time we’d spent apart.

Unfortunately, that’s where the not-so-good development comes in.  Over the course of a few emails back and forth we converse a bit about what we’re looking for in a relationship, and she tells me that we’re not really working out for her.  She’s looking for someone who can go and do many of the things she likes to go and do, but my time constraints make that difficult.  I work two jobs to support my kids and have visitation with them as often as I can.  Her kids are grown and on their own, and she’s fully enjoying the empty-nest phase of her life.

It totally bummed me out to hear but I could totally understand.  She’s a great woman and deserves to have a partner who can spend more time with her than I can.  I appreciated her honesty, and was glad she was bold enough to speak up about it sooner rather than later, and not just let linger, building up resentment along the way.  She said she still enjoyed my company and hoped that we could still get together as friends, and I was glad to hear that because I really liked chatting with her about a wide variety of things we both enjoyed talking about.  I proposed we still get together Friday, meeting at this cool Mexican restaurant that makes this incredible fresh guacamole right at your table, to share guac over margaritas, and she agreed.  You can never have too many friends, and she’s a friend who likes to go and do, which are particularly good to find in this stage of my life.

So what now?  I don’t know.  One worry I had about getting back into dating was concern about my time constraints, and that was the very thing that sank this relationship before it really got going.  She mentioned that dating me was like having a long-distance relationship, which seems like a pretty good analogy.  Maybe that sort of thing will be appealing to someone down the road, someone who might have similar time constraints as me.  At least we wouldn’t have the travel expense of a long-distance relationship!

At this point I think I’ll get back to checking in on OKCupid, maybe modify my profile a bit to emphasize my time-constraints to make it clear what I can and cannot offer at this stage in my life.  Sure, interest in my profile will likely shrink further, but it’s only fair to potential partners who run across me.

I’ll also keep trying to expand my social circles, find people who want to go and do stuff when I have the time to go and do.  And I’ll focus on my health, exercise and healthy eating.  Who knows what the future may bring?

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The past few blogs have been on the heavy/serious side, I thought I might shake things up with a little fun!  Since I have a good number of great women who read this blog and comment, I wanted to ask you:

What’s your opinion on men and facial hair?  Specifically, I’m curious about whether, when kissing/making out with a man, do women find him having facial hair annoying, sexy, or not really a factor in the enjoyment level of smooching?  Does the quantity of facial hair matter– mustache, goatee, full beard, cultivated 5 o’clock shadow look?


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Recently finished Stephen King’s latest novel, 11/22/63 and I have to say I enjoyed it more than I’ve enjoyed his books in a long, long time.  While I loved the interesting fantastic twist that the story hung on, it was the romance at the heart of the novel that really hooked me.  The love between the protagonist and the girl he met in his travels was deliciously romantic and yet felt so real and visceral, I almost felt like a voyeur.

Then we were together, first fumbling, then holding on tight.  It was kissing, but it was more than kissing.  It was eating when you’ve been hungry or drinking when you’ve been thirsty.  I could smell her perfume and her clean sweat under the perfume and I could taste tobacco, faint but still pungent, on her lips and tongue.

One thing that really resonated with me was the protagonist’s description of kissing his lover, and the taste of cigarettes on her breath.  It’s funny, our modern day sensibilities dictate that cigarette smoking is bad, that people who smoke have “ashtray breath” and kissing them is nasty– you see it in the anti-smoking advertising… and yet, even though I don’t smoke, in my experience when you kiss a smoker the taste of tobacco on her breath is sweet and erotic.

Of course, the bulk of King’s book is set in the early 60s when smoking is something that everyone does, and often quite a bit.  Reading it though made me realize both how long it had been since I’d really read a description of kissing and tasting tobacco… and how I kinda missed that taste myself.

I sat up and embraced her without even thinking about it.  She hugged me back, as hard as she could.  Then I kissed her, tasting her reality– the mingled flavors of tobacco and Avon.  The lipstick was fainter; in her nervousness, she had nibbled most of it away.  I smelled her shampoo, her deodorant, the sweat beneath it.  Most of I touched her: hip and breast and cheek.  She was there.

On a broader note, King’s description of those kisses reminded me of what I really love about kissing, the tasting of flavors in her mouth, whether it’s tobacco, or tequila, or chocolate, or steak… mmmmm…

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There is a balm in Gilead to make the wounded whole. – Martin Luther King, Jr.

I was devastated.  I’d just moved into my very first apartment, filled with love and hope and dreams of the future.  A future with her, my first real girlfriend.  And then she told me she didn’t want a serious relationship right now, that she had a lot on her mind, a lot of things she wanted to work through, alone.

Unfortunately, “alone” actually meant she wanted to spend more time with this new guy she’d met…

Crushed, wounded, and heart-broken I wasn’t sure I could ever hope for love again.  Then along came Ellen.

I was instantly drawn to her.  Beautiful blue eyes, a great smile and adorable laugh, she was smart, creative, with an urban style that this country-boy found intoxicating.  We shared a sometimes dark and twisted sense of humor and she was delightfully irreverent.

She was instrumental in my musical awakening, and I’ve talked about her in that way a few times before (…She’d Envy My iPod Pt 3, Following the Pixies).  While music was such a big part of who I grew to be, that was just portion of the wonderful things she brought into my life.

Wish I had pictures of her like this!

She had a bold and brash exterior and was fearless and exciting.  Back when I was into moshing to early live Fishbone and Red Hot Chili Peppers, she’d be right there beside me, or else she’d be serfing the crowd.  She’d match me tequila shot for shot, and one night at the bottom of the bottle of Mescal I held the worm between my teeth and she bit it in half with a searing kiss before tumbling into my arms.  She’d offer to read some of my fiction writing and give me honest critiques.  I just loved being around her.

we all win!

Sometimes she’d reveal hints of shyness and vulnerability underneath that sexy and fun side.  As I often do, I’d get romantic and mushy, and going in for a kiss she’d give me a nervous giggle (even though she gave such great kisses) but she’d not pull away.  In fact, she made me feel wanted and special at a time in my life when I was feeling neither of those things.

Despite her efforts, I was still healing from my wounds, and eventually she moved on to someone else.  I certainly couldn’t blame her for that.  Thankfully though, we still had a connection, and we both seemed to find excuses to get together from time to time.  I cherished all those extra moments she gave me over the next few years, when time would stand still… but I always felt some regret that I hadn’t been more emotionally available back when I had the chance, better able to give her the things she needed and deserved.  She was certainly worthy of more than I gave her.

There is a balm in Gilead to make the wounded whole… when I think of Martin Luther King, Jr. that is one of the quotes that pops into mind.  Sometimes I get discouraged, he said.  But take heart—there is a balm to make the wounded whole.  Ellen, she was my balm, and for that I will always be grateful.  Today, on MLK Day, many of his quotes and deeds are being remembered for the large thoughts and movements they inspired… For me today, his words have me thinking of something more personal, yet so very important to me…

Much needed hugs

She came into my life when I really needed her, and for that I’m eternally thankful.  Knowing that life’s path gave me someone I needed when I truly needed her gives me faith today that life will bring someone to me again.

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New Years Day always gives us a chance to reflect back on the things we did in the previous year.  One big thing I did was create this blog.  I’ve been a writer at heart since I was in middle school, with dreams of being a published author, and years later, dreams of being a screenwriter.  Things didn’t work out that way (as of yet) but I did get into writing about a hobby of mine, and have proudly been a paid professional hobby writer for well over a decade.

Even though it’s a lot of fun to write about a hobby you love, it’s a pretty narrow niche potential audience, and it occurred to me last year that starting a blog might be a good way to stretch my writing chops and expand my audience and network of readers and other writers.  When I was contemplating what to write about, the fact that I was going through a divorce and needing to start my life over seemed like the perfect thing to write about.  Not only would it be much more accessible to readers, but it could also be cathartic to write, providing me with a way to shape my thoughts and feelings going forward, to help me learn from mistakes in the past and focus on the sorts of people I want to be in my life going forward.

The concept was that the blog name “My Ideal Woman” be the first part of an affirmative sentence, with each blog post title “… She’d be (something something)” as the second part of the sentence.  Eventually ideas for posts came that didn’t exactly fit the paradigm but that was my original framing.


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