Posts Tagged ‘positive thoughts’

Shelter from the Storm, by Kendra Baird

I was in another lifetime one of toil and blood
When blackness was a virtue and the road was full of mud
I came in from the wilderness a creature void of form
“Come in” she said
“I’ll give you shelter from the storm”.
–Bob Dylan

Most people I know consider me a pretty optimistic, cheerful person; a “glass half-full” kinda guy.  But there was a time I wasn’t like that.  I had a lot of anger, a lot of hurt, a lot of self-esteem issues.  When life handed me a steaming pile of shit, my main response was “well of course, that’s just my luck.”  The world was out to stomp me at every turn and people, in general, were selfish, unreliable, petty and mean.

Then at one point, in my early 20s, I had a revelation.  A revolution of sorts in my attitude.  I wasn’t a musician or poet or a darkly handsome hipster, so being sullen and angry was not at all attractive.  It wasn’t attractive to women, it wasn’t attractive to friends, and it wasn’t attractive to teachers, employers or potential business contacts.  What good was giving in to my dark emotions doing for me other than making me feel horrible, and repelling those around me?

Now, that’s not to say I was 100% sullen and angry back then.  There was a big part of me that was kind, sympathetic, and found pleasure in soothing and healing other people’s pain.  It’s just that for too long I let the dark side dominate my attitude and something needed to change.  I made a conscious effort to pack away the anger, the hurt and the self-esteem issues and let the other side rule my life.  It made a big difference in my enjoyment of life and made me someone who was a lot more fun to be around.  I’ve done a pretty good job keeping those positive thoughts and feelings in the forefront of my mind for 20 years now, even through the tough times of a disintegrating marriage and subsequent divorce.

But sometimes it gets really, really hard.

This Fall and Winter has been hard.  Yes, there have been good things that have come my way, blessings from special people in my life and a few lucky breaks, and I’ve tried hard to focus on them, to let those things light my path.  But there have also been a steady stream of bad breaks, bad news, and stress that have accumulated and left me in a general funk lately.  And it’s made me realize just how awesome it would be to have a special someone in your life that you can turn to in times like these, to give you that shelter from the storm, who can share in the burdens and soothe that pain.  Yes, family, children and friends can offer some level of comfort, but nothing beats having a lover that can wrap you in her arms, give you warmth and kisses, to be not only shelter and shield but your comrade-in-arms, our love the swords beating back and conquering the negative forces that surround us.

let's whoop some ass

In times like these, not having someone like that leaves a great gaping hole that threatens to let all those dark forces I’ve kept put away come pouring back out.  But I know that giving in to that will do nothing to help my situation and, indeed, likely just make it worse.  So no need to worry—my positive attitude remains the dominating force in my life, but right now it’s just really hard, and has left me with a serious case of the February Blahs.

One day she’ll come into my life, someone special who will be shelter, shield and sword for me, and I will offer her the same, and together we’ll handle anything that life throws our way and come away smiling.

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