Posts Tagged ‘men’

pinkett smith

My friend Molly put up a meme on Facebook that was taken from Jada Pinkett-Smith’s Facebook page that I thought was pretty powerful.  I’ve always liked Pinkett-Smith, she’s always struck me as a very strong and smart woman (in addition to being beautiful).  Even though she’s physically so small, especially compared to her hunky husband Will Smith, I’ve never gotten the impression that she takes the back seat in their relationship.  They seem like they have a partnership of equals.

Here’s what she wrote:

“How is man to recognize his full self, his full power through the eye’s of an incomplete woman? The woman who has been stripped of Goddess recognition and diminished to a big ass and full breast for physical comfort only. The woman who has been silenced so she may forget her spiritual essence because her words stir too much thought outside of the pleasure space. The woman who has been diminished to covering all that rots inside of her with weaves and red bottom shoes.

I am sure the men, who restructured our societies from cultures that honored woman, had no idea of the outcome. They had no idea that eventually, even men would render themselves empty and longing for meaning, depth and connection.  There is a deep sadness when I witness a man that can’t recognize the emptiness he feels when he objectifies himself as a bank and truly believes he can buy love with things and status.  It is painful to witness the betrayal when a woman takes him up on that offer.

He doesn’t recognize that the [creation] of a half woman has contributed to his repressed anger and frustration of feeling he is not enough. He then may love no woman or keep many half women as his prize.

He doesn’t recognize that it’s his submersion in the imbalanced warrior culture, where violence is the means of getting respect and power, as the reason he can break the face of the woman who bore him 4 four children.

When woman is lost, so is man. The truth is, woman is the window to a man’s heart and a man’s heart is the gateway to his soul.

Power and control will NEVER out weigh love.

May we all find our way.”

~ Jada Pinkett-Smith

Now, for as long as I can remember, I’ve been drawn to strong women.  My mom is strong, my sister is strong, so I grew up admiring strength in women.  I’ve never quite understood the attraction to a woman who’s subservient to her man, but I just figured, at some level, I wasn’t really manly-man or macho enough to have that swagger and urge to dominate.  I didn’t really see it as a weakness within myself, rather just as being a bit different from the archetypical male.

But Pinkett-Smith’s words here make me think that perhaps it’s that swagger, that urge to dominate, that can be a real weakness, especially when it pushes men to put women “in their place,” to be quiet, submissive.  How is man to recognize his full self, his full power through the eye’s of an incomplete woman?  These men tear women down to cover their own weakness, and end up diminishing themselves in the process.  And perhaps being drawn to strong women, that finding their strength attractive, is in fact a real strength within myself.

My muse Rachel touched on a similar theme in her recent blogpost “Head for business, bod for sin.”  She was reflecting on the struggles that women were going through in the countries of the Arab Spring, how there’s been a back-lash against women, pushing them to cover up and hush up.  She goes on to reflect on women’s struggles here in the States, and her own struggle as a smart woman in a body that’s stereotypically not taken as serious as she deserves.  It’s a good read, you should check it out.

Rachel concludes with:

“Well, I am upending this story.   I am about to conquer the world in my short, round, curvy, fat-assed, curly-headed body.   If no one lets me have a seat at the table cause I don’t seem to portray certain things-  well, watch me build my own table.”

Now, what kind of man doesn’t want a woman like Rachel, or Pinkett-Smith, by his side?  Who doesn’t want to tap into that strength and vitality to help you conquer whatever stands in your way, to build a life worth living, sharing, and celebrating?  Because a man worthy of the love of such women is a worthy man indeed.

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This past weekend my dear sweet cousin Sharon came to town.  Her husband Eric coaches youth soccer and their son Ian plays on the team, and they had a tournament that, as luck would have it, was about 10 minutes down the road from me.  They live bout five hours away and, since I don’t trust my old car to make such a long trip through mountains, I don’t get to see her and her family much at all.

When I think of the awesome women in my life, Sharon is right up there.  We were quite close as kids and I saw her grow up into a smart, funny, and hard working woman.  She met her husband at law school, got married, and they have two sweet children.  She’s a breast-cancer survivor, does work for a non-profit helping the homeless find homes, and raises foster-kittens to place with loving families.

Saturday my kids and her kids bonded and hung out, thick as thieves– our daughters are close in age, and our sons are even closer.  Sharon and I spent a lot of time catching up, laughing a bunch, and reminisced.  One thing that brought me a lot of joy was hearing her talk about how wonderful her marriage is and how much she loves her husband.  It wasn’t boastful, and she didn’t go on and on about it– but rather just took a few moments to give her man some props while we were talking about life.  “He makes life fun… and I get to have this the rest of my life!”

He makes life fun… and this is someone who’s been married for at least 15 years and maybe longer (I can’t recall exactly when they got married), and were together for some years before that, so that blush and rush of early love has certainly worn away.  No, these are two people who have put in the hard work of being dedicated to making the other happy.  Fun– that’s the spice of life after all!  And while fun is easy when you’re just getting to know each other, when you’re together for years and have busy lives full of kids and work and obligation, it takes effort, imagination, and resourcefulness to keep fun in a relationship.  And when your partner knows you’re putting in that effort, imagination and resourcefulness to make her happy… that shows her just how much you love and value her.  And if she’s a good woman she gives it right back to you.   (more…)

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