The last post I wrote about my first date in forever, how much we clicked and how much I enjoyed meeting her. Since then, there’s been some good developments and a not-so-good development.
On the good developments, we had our first kiss the second time we got together and it was wonderful. She’s a great kisser, and it had been so long since I’d really kissed someone that I floated home that night. Did I mention it was wonderful? The third time we got together, we shared another goodnight kiss that left me feeling all warm and tingly. Yeah, yeah– maybe it’s not macho gushing about kissing, but I’ve made no secret how much I love kissing (…She’d Savor Smooching, 3 First Kisses). I even lamented one time being bummed by the thought that if I got run over by a bus one day that my ex would be my Last Kiss. Thankfully, that concern has been erased.
Our fourth get-together was cancelled because she was not feeling well, and unfortunately for the next ten days my insane schedule left few opportunities for us to see each other, and on those days she had prior commitments. So our next date was going to be this Friday, and I was really looking forward to seeing her again. I considered some options and wracked my brain for something particularly fun to do to make up for the time we’d spent apart.
Unfortunately, that’s where the not-so-good development comes in. Over the course of a few emails back and forth we converse a bit about what we’re looking for in a relationship, and she tells me that we’re not really working out for her. She’s looking for someone who can go and do many of the things she likes to go and do, but my time constraints make that difficult. I work two jobs to support my kids and have visitation with them as often as I can. Her kids are grown and on their own, and she’s fully enjoying the empty-nest phase of her life.
It totally bummed me out to hear but I could totally understand. She’s a great woman and deserves to have a partner who can spend more time with her than I can. I appreciated her honesty, and was glad she was bold enough to speak up about it sooner rather than later, and not just let linger, building up resentment along the way. She said she still enjoyed my company and hoped that we could still get together as friends, and I was glad to hear that because I really liked chatting with her about a wide variety of things we both enjoyed talking about. I proposed we still get together Friday, meeting at this cool Mexican restaurant that makes this incredible fresh guacamole right at your table, to share guac over margaritas, and she agreed. You can never have too many friends, and she’s a friend who likes to go and do, which are particularly good to find in this stage of my life.
So what now? I don’t know. One worry I had about getting back into dating was concern about my time constraints, and that was the very thing that sank this relationship before it really got going. She mentioned that dating me was like having a long-distance relationship, which seems like a pretty good analogy. Maybe that sort of thing will be appealing to someone down the road, someone who might have similar time constraints as me. At least we wouldn’t have the travel expense of a long-distance relationship!
At this point I think I’ll get back to checking in on OKCupid, maybe modify my profile a bit to emphasize my time-constraints to make it clear what I can and cannot offer at this stage in my life. Sure, interest in my profile will likely shrink further, but it’s only fair to potential partners who run across me.
I’ll also keep trying to expand my social circles, find people who want to go and do stuff when I have the time to go and do. And I’ll focus on my health, exercise and healthy eating. Who knows what the future may bring?
I’m sorry to hear this, however, one can’t have too many friends. Especially those who enjoy good food! I’m glad your ex wasn’t your last kiss either.
Hahaha, thanks!! 🙂
I know what it’s like to have disappointing dating experiences. So your first try won’t be your last… That’s okay. It just means you get to have more experiences along the way to finding your ideal woman. 🙂
I think that’s good for those of us that love following your blog, although it is terribly selfish of me to say that.
Hee hee, that totally made me laugh out loud 🙂
Mission accomplished!
Though I’m pretty sure it also likely means those experiences will be few and far between… but that’s okay. I’m more confident now that they won’t be entirely absent from my life 😉
Margaritas and guac = nectar of the gods, salve for the souls. I think you two will have a great Friday. 🙂
Thanks! Yes, I’m looking forward to it 🙂
Sucks bro but that’s part of the game. All you can do is move on and never contact this girl again. She’s not your friend man
Reema! Who knows…. she could be a friend or a casual date. Things aren’t so cut and dry!
Ben, I made ended up with a new social circle of single people through few dates that didn’t work out as dates. I say just say don’t contact her first, but if she gets back in touch who knows! If nothing else you had a pretty good first dip in the dating pool
You just said the same thing I just said. Don’t contact her because she’s not his friend. I’m agree with the causal part but I didn’t think that’s what Ben was looking for. He states that they talked about what they were looking for in a relationship and he schedule was too much so they decided to be friends. If she is going to introduce him to single friends then that’s cool in the game.
ohhh…. i read it as you saying she was no friend!
Exactly. Well, we’re getting together as friends Friday for guac and margaritas, she’s expressed interest in getting together like that when we can, so I hope we can continue our friendship.
That’s rather harsh. We’ve actually struck up a pretty good friendship over the month or so that we’ve been corresponding and I hope we can continue to be friends. She’s a cool lady and has a pretty active social circle.
You’re only getting together as friend because that’s what she wants. You don’t want to be her friend so my thing is why meet up as friends? You want a relationship not female friends
Your assumption I don’t want to be her friend is incorrect.
That’s my mistake than. I thought you were looking to date her
Oh shoot, I always forget that you can’t be friends with someone you want to date
you can’t
I did want to date her. I did date her. Along the way we developed a decent friendship as well– I know, crazy right–being friends with someone you’re romantically involved with?! The romance side isn’t working, but why throw out the friendship as well? I mean, maybe some people’s circle of friends is overflowing to the point that there’s no room for one more, but that’s not my situation.
Maybe I just look at friendship differently. When I think friends, I don’t think of women I want to date or women I’ve dated.You guys didn’t develop a friendship because you guys weren’t around each other as friends. You were around each other as more than friends. Now that it didn’t work out, you are giving the friendship a try. That’s cool but if you still have feelings for her she can’t be your friend. Friends don’t like each other as more than friends. That’s just how I look at it.
Fair enough. For me anyway, feelings of friendship and romance are more fluid than that. It’s important to me that someone I’m dating is also my friend, so I work on building both sides of that relationship. If the romantic side doesn’t work out, I don’t see that we can’t still be friends. I just had lunch yesterday with a friend I used to date years back. If she wanted to date me again I’d be willing to give it a try, but she’s in a relationship and I’m happy for her. In my own experience things aren’t usually so cut and dried.
I think having a friendship is a great way to continue to get to know each other. Maybe some day you will meet someone (through this friend) who wants a relationship that you can offer. I think you have accepted this change in your relationship as a gentleman. Good luck in the future with new friends too.
Thanks for the kind words!! 🙂
[…] the dating front, nothing new to report since my first foray into the dating pool fizzled out. I have to admit it really bummed me out for quite a while, especially the realization that the […]