Subtext and Tori Amos

The other night I was listening to my iPod and “Silent All These Years” by Tori Amos came up, one of my all-time favorite songs.

Tori hit my radar when the video for that song hit MTV (way back when there was one MTV  channel and they actually played videos all the time).  The music was different– quiet, intimate– and the video was quirky and spartan.

The singer… she was oddly beautiful.  Red hair, pale skin– sure, often hallmarks of loveliness.  Yet she was most definitely not what you’d consider a conventional beauty… which of course was like catnip to me.

Yet what drew me to her were the song lyrics, which didn’t really sink in to me until halfway through listening.

After coming in on the tail end of the video the next couple times I saw it when I wanted to listen to the lyrics from the beginning, I decided to run out and buy the CD.  I was super-stoked to see the lyrics included in the liner notes.  I put on my headphones, settled down to get comfy, and turned on the CD.

Yes, the songs were beautiful.  The music gorgeous, and the voice lovely, strong, distinctive.  But the lyrics just blew me away.

Wow, this woman could write!  The stories she told, not only in the words she chose, but all the meaning floating in and around the words.  That sublime subtext!

One thing I’ve always been extremely fascinated in as a writer is subtext– what’s being said by not being said.  What’s being omitted and what that means.  Or what’s being said versus what’s actually meant.  It’s that space between words that’s often pregnant with meaning that I find just delicious and fascinating.

But what if I’m a mermaid
In these jeans of his
With her name still on it

The story found in just these three lines… in these jeans of his indicating they’re lovers, she’s stayed the night, went through his clothes the next day and wore his jeans home.  With her name still on it… jeans his previous girlfriend/lover wrote on, claiming his body by branding them with her name… and he’s kept them still for some reason–why?  And the singer specifically took those jeans, wearing them home, in effect saying “he’s mine now, bitch.”

But what if I’m a mermaid?  I’m not really sure what she’s telling me there… maybe she’s a siren?  Luring men to their doom?  She feels like a myth maybe, something not real?

So you found a girl
Who thinks really deep thougts
What’s so amazing about really deep thoughts?
Boy you best pray that I bleed real soon
How’s that thought for you?

So what’s the story here?  Her lover’s moved on… there’s a lot of pain, the wound is fresh because… well, the singer might be pregnant so you better pray she gets her period soon.  How’s that thought for you?  Man, not just subtext here but I love the punk-rock, angry attitude that’s told in an angelic voice and spare piano!

I love the video, how it’s inspired and built upon the spare and sparse album cover– Tori in a box.  The video is artsy, fun and clever.

Well I love the way we communicate
Your eyes focus on my funny lip shape
Let’s hear what you think of me now
But baby don’t look up
The sky is falling

At this point in the video, Tori sings along with the first line of the lyrics as the song plays, then stops.  The song continues, but Tori onscreen just looks back, a quirked half-smile on her face.  Yeah, you can’t help but stare at her funny lip shape, and her expression is one of yeah, I know what you’re staring at boy.  Then at the end of the fourth line but baby don’t look up, her eyes cut up with that half-smile.

I've been here all these years

Yep, that’s Tori’s signature– to me, with love!  I actually got to meet her during the Little Earthquakes tour.  I used to have a job where I sat at a computer and phone and waited for something to come up on the computer screen or someone to call on the phone.  Sometimes it was busy as hell, but sometimes nothing came across and it was incredibly boring.  I got a lot of reading in, but I also listened to the radio and would jump on call-in contests.  The work phone had an insane speed-dial that let me call over and over at lightning speed.  I won all kinds of stuff, including the full Led Zepplin library on cassette, tickets to see Jethro Tull and backstage passes, and tickets to Tori Amos, along with getting to meet her and sit in on her pre-show warm-up.

Me, Tori and Nuge... circa 1992

She was super-sweet, giving all the guests big hugs and chatting everyone up.  She’s a tiny thing but has an amazing presence that draws all eyes in the room.

The pre-show was awesome, we all got to sit in the front row and watch her sing and play her piano just a dozen feet away.  The seats for the show weren’t as good, but they weren’t bad either, and her show was just spectacular, such a performer.  Whether it’s in a large concert hall, or just me and her voice & music through my headphones, behind closed eyes while lying on my bed, the songs are pure pleasure and the words, the lyrics…

Inspiring!

(full song lyrics behind the cut)

Silent All These Years
Excuse me but can I be you for a while
My dog won’t bite if you sit real still
I got the anti-Christ in the kitchen yellin’ at me again
Yeah I can hear that
Been saved again by the garbage truck
I got something to say you know
But nothing comes
Yes I know what you think of me
You never shut-up
Yeah I can hear that

But what if I’m a mermaid
In these jeans of his
With her name still on it
Hey but I don’t care
Cause sometimes
I said sometimes
I hear my voice
And it’s been here
Silent All These Years

So you found a girl
Who thinks really deep thougts
What’s so amazing about really deep thoughts
Boy you best praya that I bleed real soon
How’s that thought for you
My scream got lost in a paper cup
You think there’s a heaven
Where some screams have gone
I got 25 bucks and a cracker
Do you think it’s enough
To get us there

Cause what if I’m a mermaid
In these jeans of his
With her name still on it
Hey but I don’t care
Cause sometimes
I said sometimes
I hear my voice
And it’s been here
Silent All These…

Years go by
Will I still be waiting
For somebody else to understand
Years go by
If I’m stripped of my beauty
And the orange clouds
Raining in head
Years go by
Will I choke on my tears
Till finally there is nothing left
One more casualty
You know we’re too easy Easy Easy

Well I love the way we communicate
Your eyes focus on my funny lip shape
Let’s hear what you think of me now
But baby don’t look up
The sky is falling
Your mother shows up in a nasty dress
It’s your turn now to stand where I stand
Everybody lookin’ at you here
Take hold of my hand
Yeah I can hear them

But what if I’m a mermaid
In these jeans of his
With her name still on it
Hey but I don’t care
Cause sometimes
I said sometimes
I hear my voice [x3]

And it’s been here
Silent All These Years
I’ve been here
Silent All These Years